ready for a change of scenery

right now, at this point in my life i am quite ready to pack up all my stuff and get the hell out of indiana. i feel that i've worn out my welcome here, that i've done all that i needed to and just ready to get out. i need a change of scenery, to find myself somewhere else. thanks for the memories but i'm ready to move on, to move somewhere else where i can meet new people, work a new job and try to put my life back together. i guess i never expected to have gone through so much in these past three years. you would think i'm living in a soap opera or something. drama, drama, drama. maybe it's me and my life will be forever like this. but why? i try not to let little things bother me, to not allow people in so much so they can't hurt me later. but it just doesn't work that way i noticed. maybe i need to settle down? get a real job? or maybe just lead a complete useless life with no friends to hurt me, no one to break my heart or people to let me down. yeah...sounds good for now.

regrets?

right now i'm holding a lot of regrets....regrets of staying around for another year thinking that my life was going to be full of fun and just hanging out with people who mean a lot in my life. but as of right now i'm feeling a sense of loss, wondering if i'm walking blindly into the future thinking that i'm going to be okay. nope...i kind of just want to turn around and run away now. i guess right now i'm looking at people in a different light. and wondering if they are going to stay in my life or not. and sometimes i have to look at my own self and wonder if it's me...do i drive people away, do i ruin my friendships getting tired of them so quickly? i don't know...i guess i'm wanting this "perfect relationship" and when i don't get what i want or expect i am no longer interested. i don't know...really confused right now. i don't know what to do or what to say. i guess i'm just really confused or stressed...or just not very happy at all. and i'm not really happy. i guess i just thought things were going to be different and this is how it has turned out.

new beginnings

well, summer has been over for a few weeks and yet it still feels like it...well kind of for me anyway. i guess it's because i'm not going back to school so it still feels like summer for me. i'm still working crazy hours at rl and wishing that i could find something else that is more "me." i mean sometimes i feel like i am putting my life on hold for something that really isn't worth it...but i'm so afraid to venture out into the new and also saying good-bye to my friends. i don't want to up somewhere alone, without any friends and venturing in the unknown. is that just stupid of me? i know that everyone has to grow up and do what they need to....but i'm just not ready.
anyway....life continues and i'm just trying to hold on and enjoy the ride. guess it's just not what i expected but then it's been pretty good.