end of the summer

wow. that is the only word that comes to mind - wow. i cannot believe how fast this summer has gone by. i seem to remember i was looking forward to may - my brother's wedding - and now it is almost september. guess a lot actually happened - my brother got married, one of my best friends got married as well, my sister had another baby, i got situated in my new job and got a dog. i just feel that the days are running into one another, hard to keep track. and i'm only getting older, quicker. i always thought i was going to have all this time to figure out what i wanted to do with my life, to meet someone special, to become a person i would be proud of...but it feels like i really haven't had so much time to do anything. is that normal? or just me?
i guess when i was younger i just dreamt my teenage years away. and now that i'm almost 27, i wish i could just get a few years back, not to waste them but do something useful. crazy how you wish to be older and now you just want time to rewind. of course i would do things differently -- so many things differently!

work has been quite interesting...a bunch of people got laid off and it got me kind of scared about my position. i mean i was told i had nothing to worry about - but you never know if the company is going down. sometimes i feel that i have no control over my career, and sort of wonder if i should be looking for something else. i mean i enjoy what i'm doing, and i feel that i am learning a lot and getting the valuable experience that i need. but there are other times i feel jilted, not appreciated and totally taken advantage of. but i'm too chicken shit to say anything...so guess i can't really complain since i am not taking care of it myself. is this how all jobs are though? guess i thought the corporate world was so glamorous....

guess you just learn, one day at at time...

people from the past

i recently reconnected with an old friend from the past. we actually had a falling out about 7 months ago and hadn't talked since then. and out of the blue he texts me, wanting to talk. a part of me was really apprehensive, as our 2 year old friendship had been one of ups and downs. we both had hurt one another in some way. but then i also thought of all the great times we shared - the laughs, the inside jokes, the bond we shared with one another. and ever since i moved i feel that i did have a small void in my life, one that couldn't really be easily filled. i think once you get older, out of the whole school phase, it's hard to meet people. i think i took college for granted - being surrounded by thousands and thousands of people my own age. you got to be picky with your friends. but when you're out in the real world, you start to realize that it's not so easy. everyone has their own lives - be it work or family. you can't just play hooky and hang out in the middle of the day or visit your neighbor at 2 a.m. you really have to treasure the great friends you have, and keep them close and not let little, pity things drive you apart. that was one thing he said and i appreciate it and it did get me thinking. i don't want to loose the people around me. and i want to keep them close and not easily forget them. life is too short and precious to be living alone.

so that's off my chest and out in the void of whatever this is....

right now my life is feeling like a roller coaster. i definitely have the days everything is perfect and nothing can ruin my smile. and then there are other days i feel nothing is right, that the world is out to get me. i wonder if it's being so far away from family, me missing out on so much that is going on with them. or living on my own after years of roommates. or being single in a world occupied by couples. i dunno.