frustrated but scared

some things at work that are really frustrating but i have no idea how to express my feelings.  i mean i am not sure if i should say something or not -- i don't want to come off as sounding like i'm complaining or not a team player.  there is definitely a very thing line not to cross.  just as soon as i started feeling like i'm part of the team, part of the company and this crap happens.  grrr....what to do, what to do.

chicago next weekend!  CANNOT WAIT :-)  off with my friend sarah, sightsee and watching "wicked."  i hear from everyone how awesome it is - so i'm expecting it to blow my socks off.  maybe i should have tried to read the book first.  even though we are sitting in the balcony, and i think in the last few rows, i hear the higher up you are the better it is because people are flying throughout the musical.  

halloween in a few days and i am not dressing up.  i just hope that no one will be knocking on my door because i have no candy to give away.

fridays are my favorite

i love fridays - i love knowing that i am going to have 2 days of rest and relaxation, of sleeping in as long as i want without having to worry about work or anything.  love knowing that i can just laze around in my pj's and do whatever i want.  

here i am lounging on my couch with my puppy snoring away in the corner - i wonder how animals sleep so much.  i mean he sleeps for basically 9 hours when i'm at work and then he continues to nap throughout the night.  i sort of envy them, getting to sleep all day and not having to worry about money or making a living or paying rent.  they know that they have someone is going to be taking care of them, that they will have food in their belly, etc. lucky dog - lol.

what else.  not really anything - i am just wondering how the rest of this year is going to play out.  work has picked up a little bit but with the economy being the way it has a lot of people in my field are afraid, and rightly so.  companies aren't hiring as many people as they used to, recruiting budgets are down.  but right now i feel pretty good.  had some good conversations with my team members and managers and i feel confident about my future.  just hope that feeling stays constant!

is work worth it?

sometimes i wonder if my life should revolve around work, that if i hate my job so much why shouldn't i just quit or try to find something else that makes me happier and more satisfied?  there are days when i do sort of feel content about my job, but then most other days i hate, hate, hate my job and wonder why i put myself through it every day.  but the money is what i need, the security is nice and i guess i am pretty lucky that i even have a job in today's economy.  but i do not like my boss.  i do not like that i have a big bull's eye target on the back of my head and i have to take extra precautions to not get shot (fired).  scary.

well, i am sitting at home, tired, telling myself that i should be going to bed but am watching "dirty, sexy money" and blogging on my brand new computer.  my old one died on me all of a sudden so i had to get another one.  ugh...more expenses that i don't need.  but love it :-)  it took me forever trying to figure out how to connect the wireless internet, but i finally got it.  guess i'm not that technologically challenged as i thought i was, lol.  

weather here is turning cold.  love the blustery weather - love walking outside and it feels so great, no more sweating or the blaring sun on my face.  love not having to turn on the ac or the heat, it's just perfect. i am not, however, looking forward to winter.  snow, sleet, freezing weather.  ugh :-(  why am i not living in california or hawaii where it never snows but is a perfect 70 degrees every day?  maybe one day....i do want to go back to london, but i fear that dream is pretty far away.  europe is so much more expensive and i would have no idea what i would be doing there.  i know no one over there but it would be a nice place to start all over again.  maybe that is what i need, a new start where no one knows me, where i can re-invent myself and make myself into someone i am proud to be and actually like.  that sounds like a great idea :-)  wish i had more money to move anywhere i wanted to.  how lovely that would be.

tomorrow...team dinner and we have to present.  ugh.  can i say how i am not looking forward to that?  i hate work-related things.