rainy tuesday

i can't believe school will be over in two weeks...scary! i think what's scary is the how quickly it went by and the fact that my friends are leaving me this summer :-( everyone seems to be headed in a different direction and i will either be moving as well or staying here for who knows how long...grrr. hate not knowing that the future holds for me!
i have made some wonderful friends, ones that i will hold dear for the rest of my life. and i don't want to ever say good-bye to them. i think the hardest thing is to say good-bye, to know that things are never really going to be the same, that people are going to change and moving on without you. life can be cruel in that way...my friends i see them almost everyday, basically cause we work together and make it a point to hang out, even if we have worked with one another for the past 8 hours...we still want to hang out more. i love them dearly. and i think one of the reasons why is because they accept me for who i am. i have never felt discriminated against, never felt pitied or anything...all i know from them is friendship and love. and i could not have asked for more from them. i feel they truly accept me and love me and i have never been happier.
but...time marches on and we cannot live in the past...the present is slipping by faster than ever and i wish it would slow down for just a few seconds. it really is cruel. where will we all be in a few years? will distance take a toil on us?

it's interesting...life and all that it entails. i don't want to say good-bye...

not up to much

here at the wc...just finished writing one of two book reports. and i'm pooped. so tired. i'm not sure why i'm so tired cause i got enough sleep last night. maybe my body is just trying to recooperate from the past few weeks when i was on 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night and had to work double shifts at work.

things are winding down and the realization that school is ending and people are moving in their separate routes scares some i think. being a student, in college surrounded by close friends and not having to really worry bout work or anything has been wonderful. but for a lot, it's going to end in just a few weeks. and i think they are scared. things are going to change no matter how much they don't want them to...people are going to change and ones they had called friends may become strangers. i'm one of those people -- so scared of change and afraid people will move away and we'll no longer be as close as we had been. i know i'm moving on as well but it's still so weird. this semester has probably been the best semester of my college life. i have had so much fun, made the bestest friends ever and been with people who truly know and understand me. i am not afraid to be myself...i can just be me and it's okay. i'm going to miss them so much. it does get me a little depressed thinking about it...that it's not fair that it has to end so quickly. but time will not hold still for anyone...

new possibilities

job interview next week! so excited :-) i guess it's more exciting since it's the first one i've heard back from since i started sending out resumes again. a part of me is torn with what to do - should i stay here and work, try to save up money and kind of recooperate from this past year or move straight into a job and start my career? it's interesting...not really sure what my future has in store for me. so i'm going to go into the interview with a really good attitude, stay positive and whatever happens...happens!

work is going okay though...it's been a lot slower cause of the nice weather. i hope the summer isn't going to be this slow cause i can't afford to not make any money. blah.
not really anything else to report other than the fact i love my friends, looking forward to going home next week and having school end!

happy monday

weekend was an absolute blast -- got to hang out with my favorite boys, laugh and just be silly. i love my friends...they let me be me, they love me for me and i really couldn't ask for anymore. love them to death. but what kills me is the fact they are all moving in may -- two will be graduating and moving back home and the other two are moving to ohio for the summer to work. really sad about it. but i can't stop time and i can't stop the course of life. i hope that nothing changes though...even though i know it will.

trying to find the positive in everything, but it's hard. i'm not really sure where i'll be in the next few months, what i'll be doing or how i will be managing. i just hope things will work themselves out. hopefully i will be okay!!!

be my baby...

i love that song by the fray. it's absolutely amazing...and i know exactly who i would dedicate it to. but sadly, he's not available and won't be for probably the rest of his life. it's sad...it hurts, more than i thought it ever would. i thought i could just let it go, to be okay with it but the more time i spend with him, my heart starts breaking, piece by piece. maybe it's a good thing that i'm going to be leaving and won't have to see him. cause everytime he talks to me, i fall for him. everytime he looks at me, my head rushes. everytime he touches me, my heart won't stop pounding. it's absolutely crazy.

but sadly...i think it's just me. i know he thinks fondly of me and everything, but it just isn't the same. i'm starting to get head over heels, emotions flying everywhere, the whole 'you make my life brighter' kind of thing. and i hate it. i hate feeling this way, almost helpless and unable to put my life in order. i hate thinking it's all going to fall apart the minute i move away knowing i'll never see him again. i hate thinking i'll never be able to find someone like him because he's the one and only.

why do i feel like this? i meet great guys all the time. why am i so stuck on this one? is it because he is so unavailable that my heart wants him more? or is the fact i found someone i can connect with on this new level...

be my baby...i'll take care of you.