what now?

it's funny that i re-read over the past entry and everything i had to say is now the total opposite just a few months down the road. i still love where i live and glad i moved to the city. but not quite sure about the whole job. it was good for what it was but i'm just not sure it's something i want to do for the rest of my life or even a large chunk of my life. and should i be wasting my life doing that when i could be doing something so much better? i have to say that my experiences at the company have been positive even though i have been surrounded by such negativity -- everyone i work with seems to have something bad to say about everyone else every single day. and i was happy to have stayed mostly out of the way -- being contract i got stuck in a corner room in a pretty secluded cubicle so i didn't have much interaction. and i didn't really mind that -- stayed out of people's way and they did the same for me. but what i missed is working with people my own age -- i hated the fact everyone there was married and basically had their own lives/families. i think i was the only one 25 and younger who was not married. i miss seeing my friends at work every day and just socializing. then my project ended and i got a 3 week 'vacation' and i am suppose to go back in october. well some things happened over the fast few weeks that kind of changed my mind about going back - not really sure if i want to or not. been thinking and maybe i am suppose to be somewhere else. not quite sure and haven't made up my mind quite yet - so we'll see on that.
have also been harboring some ill will towards someone and have not been able to shake the feeling of guilt and almost hatred. this person knows basically nothing about me said some very hurtful things about me to me and i am still very shaken up about it. i don't handle things like that very well - i hate confrontations and have never really been able to stick up for myself. i guess i just let people walk all over me. and it makes me sick. i wish i had the balls to be like no, you are not allowed to talk to me like that, or that i could just make decisions that make me happy, not everyone else. i seem to live my life for other people, some that i hardly know! why is that? grrrr...have to say people can really suck. trying to change and i guess that is the next big thing and maybe why i will get another job. i don't want to stay at a job just because to make someone happy. i mean if something bigger and better comes along i should take it because it's the better choice FOR ME. anyways....i guess we'll see what happens.