don't know

not really sure what i'm feeling right now. kind of torn between two places, two different emotions. i wish that i could just turn off my feelings and just go through the difficult phases of life. cause it would make my life a whole lot easier...and not so much drama, that's for sure. and i guess i wish i didn't depend on people so much, cause i have come to learn that they can let so down over, over and over again. and i never learn. i keep crawling back, thinking things have changed and yet nothing has. what's my problem? sucks...definitely sucks. grrr....i just want to crawl into bed and never wake up. definitely going through some hard times right now...i quit my job a few weeks ago and in the process of looking for another job. but it's not the easiest things, especially in this dying town. and i have all this time on my hands and nothing to do -- so kind of bored and just wondering when things are going to look better for me. so trying to be optimistic isn't working so well when i feel like the whole world is against me. has my luck run out?