somber

realizing that maybe some relationships aren't suppose to last or even continue. and i wonder why i had invested so much time and effort into some of them because they suck. and i get hurt. realizing that some people are selfish and not worth more than a minute's worth of attention. that they just look out for themselves, no matter how hard you try to be there for them. doesn't matter that they trample all over you as long as they get there first. and here i am...stuck at the end, wondering what the HELL happened...
just realized that maybe i saw things too positively, that maybe that's just how i wanted to see it cause i wanted to be optimistic and be happy. but in my foolishness...i was totally blinded and now i'm just kicking myself for everything.
thought i knew what i wanted but now...just don't know. right now i'm at the point i just want to shut the door on everything and everyone...wouldn't it be nice to just be a hermit - not have to talk to people who are going to turn around and stab you in the back. wouldn't it be great to know that you're safe from the world cause you don't have to share your emotions...
i know...it would be extremely lonely and an awful way to live. but sometimes i feel that would be better than what i'm feeling right now...i'm so hurt...i feel as if my heart is literally breaking into pieces and there is no one there to pick them up and put it together. i feel used and just so foolish.
tonight...i just want to cry....